In past articles, we established that God’s expectations for Adam as leader and Eve as helper are in the context of marriage. We also saw new testament scriptures related to this, specifically instructing that a wife submit to her husband*. What does this kind of submission look like?
Piper defines a wife’s submission as a “divine calling…to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and to help carry it through according to her gifts”¹. Subservience, on the other hand, means willingness to obey others unquestioningly or the condition of being less important than something else². We’ve already seen that a man and woman are equal before God, so a wife is definitely not subservient to her husband. Submission is therefore not restraint, servanthood, inferiority, docility or a degradation³. It is not a sign of weakness but strength as it requires a great amount of a person’s strength of character to submit themselves to another person. In sum, submission in marriage is a spirit of respect a wife has toward her husband³.
A wife can be a husband’s superior in various fields or characteristics-smarter, richer, wiser, kinder, more loveable by others, and this does not cancel out her submissive role in marriage. While competency may play a role in what each couple’s leadership-submission roles look like, the crux of their relationship should be a husband with a heart and behavior reflecting leadership and responsibility, and a wife with a heart and behavior reflecting honor and affirmation of her husband’s leadership role¹. In fact, a wife’s superior qualities are usually what makes her a suitable helper for her husband (Gen 2:20).
The verses in Ephesians 5 have been used to promote the idea that the Bible is sexist, when in fact, taken in context, it depicts God’s expected relationship between husband and wife. A faithful husband willingly lays down his life for his wife. He is not a tyrant who forces her to submit to his sinful human desires but abandons his own will, affections, and needs for her sake⁴. In the passage, Paul instructs the husband to love his wife as he loves his own body and equates the husband’s care for his wife with that of Christ’s for His church (5:28–30). A loving husband submits his will to that of Christ, and in doing so, imitates Him in the marriage relationship. In this context, the wife also willingly surrenders to her husband. Because of this hierarchy to Christ, if a husband directs his wife to do anything that goes against God’s law or her conscience, she “must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29)⁵.
In her submission, a wife makes the choice not to overtly resist her husband’s will. That is not to say she cannot disagree with him or that she cannot express her opinion. A wife who practices submission is a woman with strength of character, and she will therefore usually have her own opinions and ideas about issues. These may often be different to the opinions of her husband and she can express these respectfully to honor her husband’s role as the head of their home. In fact it might actually be wrong for her not to express her opinion as she is her husband’s helper, and her advice and suggestions can make her an invaluable partner to her husband³.
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (v. 1–2).
This passage explains what submission looks like when there are disagreements about matters of faith-either within the same faith or in different faiths. Ideally, single Christian women should seek to only marry a godly Christian man (2 Cor. 6:14) whose judgment they can respect as the head of the family⁵. It is what God instructs, and it makes things easier and more tolerable as submission is hard work. However, should there be disagreements within the same faith or from different faiths, God’s expectations for the husband and wife’s roles in the marriage remain the same (as long as one of them is Christian).
Charles Spurgeon wrote, “A lack of submission is no new or rare fault in mankind. Ever since the fall it has been the root of all sin…From the moment when our mother Eve stretched out her hand to pluck the forbidden fruit and her husband joined her in setting up the human will against the divine, the sons of men have universally been guilty of a lack of conformity to the will of God. They choose their own way and will not submit their wills. They think their own thoughts and will not submit their understanding. They love earthly things and will not submit their affections. Man wants to be his own law and his own master”
(The Reason Why Many Cannot Find Peace, sermon 1408, www.spurgeongems.org )⁴
I believe Spurgeon’s point offers an explanation for push-backs from single Christian women about marriage. With our understanding that submission is not subservience, the only thing that hinders us now is a matter of wills. When a husband and a wife’s wills do not align (and are both justifiable), what should they do? While every couple will have their own formula for dealing with this, I’ve found several examples of going along with the husband’s will. I think this follows God’s expectations for roles in marriage and it prevents strife. If the wife has a keener sense of judgement, often, the husband comes to appreciate her insights and learns to apply them.
*Christians are also instructed to submit in other ways which I will outline in the next article.
References
- Worship Hymns. (2017, March 3). What Is Submission in Marriage? John Piper Sermon, Biblical Teaching, Christian Revival. YouTube. Retrieved May 12, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja4X4909S54
- Oxford dictionaries: https://www.google.com/search?q=subservience+definition&rlz=1C1GCEB_enUS915US915&oq=&aqs=chrome.0.69i59i450l8.28155j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
- MarriageMinistry.Org. (2021). The Biblical Meaning of Submission In Marriage for Wives. Cornerstone Marriage & Family Ministries. Retrieved May 12, 2021, from https://www.marriageministry.org/the-biblical-meaning-of-submission-in-marriage-for-wives/#:~:text=Biblical%20Submission%20Summary,woman%20with%20strength%20of%20character
- Cooper, D. L. (2018, September 5). What You Need to Know about the Meaning of Submission in the Bible. Crosswalk.com. Retrieved May 12, 2021, from https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-meaning-of-submission-in-the-bible.html
- Trees, L. A. (2020, February 5). Q & A: 10 Important Aspects of Submission and Authority in a Christian Marriage. Beautiful Christian Life. Retrieved May 12, 2021, from https://www.beautifulchristianlife.com/blog/10-important-aspects-of-submission-and-authority-in-a-christian-marriage
